Post India report: the good news is that I don’t have Malaria. The bad news is I realized that Delray is not safe and I’m way more likely to get murdered here than be killed by a terrorist in Mumbai. My father wants me to get a gun. I said only if it’s pink or Hello Kitty.
My father thinks I don’t take anything seriously, and I think he’s right because Hello Kitty guns are not very intimidating. I think I can make one at home with a can of spray paint and some stickers.
Maybe I’ll just be on the offense and get a bullet proof vest.
Or I can just hire a couple of body guards . . .
I think the body guards are the best way to go because I need to build up my entourage for my international world sex and comedy tour, 2015. All proceeds will benefit anything depressed and hot (must be both) to qualify.
*While I’m not depressed in the above photo, the bear on the left is.