Good Fucking Luck with Everything

I was walking down the street today and a fucking bird flew into the back of my head. Turns out it was protecting it’s nest and that I was the third person it struck on the block. I could hear every idiot I know in my head saying how it’s good luck when a bird shits on you. Umm, a bird SHIT ON YOU. How is that good luck?? Is it statistically proven that after a birds shit on someone they get a windfall? A great job? Fall in love? Let’s say you get into a car accident and you get out of the car and a bird shits on you. Is that good luck? Maybe the good luck comes after you get out of the hospital and go to a casino and you win the exact amount of money you need playing slots to pay for your medical bills? I mean who the hell made this SHIT up?

  • bird day

And what the fuck is the horse shoe about? I did some research and turns out that about a billion years ago these were used to ward off goblins. What a goblin is is a whole other mystery. Google it. 414-HorseshoeAnd every time you find one of these you immediately get laid and win a million dollars. Trust me, it’s happened to me dozens of times.

bingo-luck

But why isn’t this considered a good luck symbol? Screen Shot 2014-12-22 at 10.04.52 PM

Or this?Screen Shot 2014-12-19 at 2.15.13 PM

I’ve actually been keeping a very private journal throughout my life of all the good luck I’ve had. It was going to be published in 75 languages (are there that many?) and be made into a major motion picture, except it was stolen the day before a bird shit on me. Timing is everything.

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